Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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