you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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