So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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