i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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