I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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