I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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