After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
