Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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