I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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