dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
