God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
