why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
