I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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