nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
