We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
