Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
