two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
