Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We have so much sex to catch up on
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Randomize
