how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
