the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
