It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
