We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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