i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
