I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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