he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
