For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
