Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
