don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
