You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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