She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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