I'm jealous of your bromance
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
