I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
