I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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