I cockslap morals
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
