I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
