Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
