I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
