I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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