I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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