he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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