Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
