I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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