Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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