how can u be prego again
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
