So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
