Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
