I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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