I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
