I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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