Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
