either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
