He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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