I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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